Just over a year ago my marriage broke down irrevocably. Feelings of powerlessness and abandonment filled every area of my life as the reality of divorce loomed over me. The free fall into grief was like nothing I had ever felt before. However, as I reflect on how my life has been shaped by the experience, it is clear to me now how blessed I have been in the way God has held me and guided me through the raw trauma and heartbreak.
I have been a Christian all my life. The roots of my faith are deep. Certainly, there have been times when my faith has felt really weak but my relationship with Jesus has always been something precious to me.
Not long after I got married, I went into the Church of England’s discernment process to explore a call to ordained ministry; and then flitted in and out of the process as I grappled with deep-seated feelings of unworthiness related to God’s call. However, with the generous encouragement and patience of those guiding me, I started ordination training in autumn 2017. For the first time, I felt like the direction of my life was perfectly aligned with God’s purpose for me. I was happy.
Five months later my marriage ended.
The full range of emotions I experienced in the days, weeks and months following my divorce was crippling. The inner turmoil was relentless. Had it not been for my faith, I am not sure how I would have navigated the dangerous and all-consuming darkness that enveloped my heart.
